Falling

I didnt sleep much at all last night. Every time I allowed myself to drift off into sleep I had the same 2 dreams.

The predominant dream was of me driving in my Mustang. I was driving a normal speed, but everything appeared to be going past me in a blur. I would come to the edge of a cliff and just keep going. The drop wasn't scary after the first couple of times. I always woke myself before I hit anything. It was just a peaceful free fall.

But I woke up terrified anyway, because I didn't want to see what would happen if I made it to the end of the drop.

The other dream eludes me right now! But I'll be back when it comes to me.

BFF'S

My teenage daughter is having a "defining moments" crisis with her bestie. I'm not heartbroken. But she says this is the last straw and she can't stop crying. I had almost forgotten how hard it is being a young girl. My heart goes out to her. Knowing when to let go is always hard, but my child has a good head on her shoulders.

It's going to be a long weekend. Luckily it's not over some knuckle head boy.

I am praying that whatever happens she makes a good choice and learns whatever lesson God has for her from this experience.

Mommy loves herself some KeyKey.

Thank you God for One more day...

This week my children had the great opportunity to do God's work and help people of our community. They left our home for 5 days and 4 nights to work and help build ramps, paint homes, re-roof houses, and cut grass, hedges, etc for people who were not otherwise able to make these improvements to their homes. I encouraged them to take this journey because I wanted them to give back to the community, as God gave to us.

I can't wait for them to come home and tell me all the stories of their adventures... Last night I attended the concert with Josh Wilson and I tell you it was aweseome. The best part, for me, was to see my two oldest children go up in front of the congregation and express what they got from this experience. I was so proud of them at that moment. They got it... They realize that it is important to give what you have to help God's people. All people. It doesn't take a lot of money or things to make a positive impact on a person's life.

I was also very happy to learn that my youngest son had been so helpful and enthusiastic in his work. Others may have worried about how he would fair in this situation, but a part of me was able to have peace knowing that God would take care of him. He has always felt the most at peace in church.

I didn't accomplish a lot around my house as I had intended, but I got some much needed rest. I slept like I have not been able to sleep in a very long time. I was able to lay my head down and just rest. I felt a little guilty for doing nothing, but I took this time to take care of me, and do what I needed to feel renewed and at peace.

I live in the trenches. I fight daily to maintain my sanity and care for my little family. Giving up is not an option, but I got to give in to myself and rest. I missed boot camp and a few phone calls. I actually didn't know where my phone was for a couple of hours each day. I actually left it in another room or in my van and went to bed a couple of nights. That is true peace y'all.

I thank God for my life, my children, my wonderful family and friends. I pray for you all daily. Please keep me in your prayers, while I continue on this journey.

My personal testimony and thank you!

Thanksgiving 2011 dramatically changed my family’s life. Yes, we suffered an unexpected crisis that was devastating and could have been much more catastrophic. Instead, it has proven to be a great blessing for my family.

When I mention the fire that severely damaged our family home, people immediately begin to offer their sympathy and consolation. Once I describe to them the way God moved in my life, wrapped us in his loving arms, and moved through his beloved children here on earth to help us recover, they are truly amazed.

So many wonderful people helped us pull the pieces back together and start over again. Initially I hid away and cried, wondering what we would do now. However, that did not last long. Within days of the fire, people from all walks of live, different organizations, and total strangers were reaching out to help us. When we moved into our new home we had no furniture just a bunch of clothes, but I knew, it was crucial to my children that we get somewhere stable so they could feel a little normal again. Then a truckload of angels came by and in one day, we had almost every piece of furnishing we needed to get started on this journey again.

What could have been catastrophic turned into a catalyst for change and renewal within my heart. The remodeling of our home has not begun, but I have total faith that God’s plan for my entire family includes restoring our family home. We are actively working to write a book that we will sell and all the proceeds will go to restoring our family home.

I want this post to serve as a thank you to all the angels that reached out to help us. This is also my own personal testimony that God is good all the time. He knows what is in the heart of man and he cares for all his children. We may stray from him, but he never leaves us or forsakes us. These are lessons I had droned into my head, but only now have I begun to know what they really mean.

Headed to Savannah

I cannot remember the last time I went on a road trip. Well here we go and Shakeyra is driving. She is doing such a good job for her first time. And the boys are in the car being themselves.

It was a really long day

Today was long, but I made it through. Things are gonna get back to normal, but what's normal anyway? I'll see my children and maybe be a little less grumpy. I'll cook dinner with whatever's in the kitchen, my daughter will turn up her nose at it then climb into my bed an tell me it was really good. My sons won't seem to taste it cause they'll eat it so fast, but they're going to tell me it's awesome. And I'm going to help my 15 year old son deal with the death of his classmate. Yep sounds pretty normal too me.

Normal is so underrated!

All I have I give openly and honestly

I often feel like I am not worthy of love. I have made many bad choices throughout my life. I give too much of myself to people who haven't earned it. I need to feel needed in order to feel loved. I overextend myself and have a hard time setting boundaries.

I want to be happy so I have got to figure out how to get over these things so that I can move on.

Why I feel this way...

Can you tell me why I feel this way? Is it okay to feel this way? What is the right way that I should feel? How should I behave? What should I do? I'm just saying...

WTF

The kids and I have an assigned week to call my dad. That makes it fair right? Well it would be great if he didn't forget that I had my turn last week. He was fronting on me for not calling him, but I actually talked to him last weekend.

Then his excuse when I reminded him was his old timers (not tone confused with Alzheimer's, which he doesn't have) and a few drinks he had today.

#WTFDaddyWTF